One thing that I have personally learned in my journey toward Mastering the Art of Living is how important it is in relationships to “talk that talk”. I come from a family of communicators, educators, pastors, and spiritual leaders of various levels. Some of them were dedicated “servants of the people” who led and inspired others. A number of them had that “gift of gab.”
They were “talkers.” Not necessarily in the sense that they loved to drone on and on, but they valued openness, “straight communications,” “letting ‘folk’ know” what’s going on, how it’s going on, and how one might need to respond to it. That adage “a closed mouth doesn’t get fed,” showed its practicality on numerous occasions as a youth and as I grew up.
Some of us were taught the importance of dreaming of, planning for, having imagination, and sharing those plans with whoever around us might be affected, OR who might be called upon for assistance in actualizing that plan.
A Path to Personal Growth
That language skill was critical because it helped us to learn the importance of communicating. It also was critical because it helped one to take a step back and honestly look at the viability and the appropriateness of what you wanted to do. Most importantly, in that shared language/shared value environment, you were held accountable, for trying to manifest what you said, including asking for help when needed.
The last thing our loved ones wanted was to see suffering or “lack” exist in the midst of the family when a viable solution could have been implemented if folks “had simply known.” That, to them, was a double blow, to needlessly exacerbate a problem or issue and have to bring a greater energy to correct it. Wasted energy, wasted resources… needless suffering.
“Good communication is an important part of all relationships and is an essential part of any healthy partnership. All relationships have ups and downs, but a healthy communication style can make it easier to deal with conflict and build a stronger and healthier partnership.” 1
It was the contract of sharing, of openness, of “talking that talk.” In our family, it was something that just was. As children, we didn’t have to build it intentionally, we were born into it. Most importantly, as I came to learn, “talking that talk” was fundamental to creating healthy relationships that would last.
Sharing Builds Strength
Boundaries were there – not always respected of course, but there was an expectation of sharing. Certainly, there was a recognition that some business was “private.” Not everything could or should be shared, and not everyone was mature enough to handle certain information. It wasn’t ideal, but when it worked, it worked.
Of course, there is a certain amount of discretion that comes with that and a fair amount of bravery. As you move through life, it can take real courage to intentionally look for a group of people that you can open yourself up to. If you’ve come from a culture or a set of circumstances that attached a bitter price for openness, it can be difficult to suddenly let go and let in.
It also takes real courage to intentionally assume responsibility and accountability (key word here, accountability) for someone else’s information, aspirations, hopes, and feelings. And it can be extremely rare to find others who are willing to reciprocate. But when done, when everyone agrees to talk that talk, the foundation can only be strong. The conversations and the actions and growth that come from them, push the relationships in the Whole, forward.
It’s become trendier in some ways, to “share” but how much of it is honestly designed for personal growth versus campaigning to support a position or decision one has already made – for good or for bad?
I’ve seen time and time again the power of being part of and growing with, people who you can talk to. People who inspire you to talk, People who inspire you to honestly share and who YOU inspire to share, and that sharing is protected, respected and expected.
Can you talk? Will you talk? Will you ask for help, and actively seek a community of people who value giving and receiving help?
Plan it Out Loud
With my life coaching clients, I’m encouraging them to “talk that talk,” to plan, examine, analyze, and dream externally, with me, with other trusted parts of the Whole – for those who have one. Every one of them has seen the efficacy of being able to stand apart from their internal conversations and examine those thoughts as an outsider or onlooker. That’s important because there is a degree of objectivity that is built into it. Hearing their talk played back to them from an external source gives another perspective.
As you continue “Mastering the Art of Living,” commit to talking your talk. Be intentional about aligning yourself with others who will truly and responsibly listen to you as you self-reflect,
Find and maintain relationships with people who will commit to creating a collective language that you all understand, and commit to maintaining an environment where honest, mature, and open sharing, all aimed at growing you all, is the norm and not the exception.
Being aligned with people who understand such a powerful dynamic builds a support around everyone that can be invigorating, inspiring and empowering.
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Profound, valuable, and necessary keys to my/our positive growth. Openness to expression (listening)is as important as speaking out. Thank you four your contribution. It gives me information I can use to do and be a better as a citizen in the universe.
Note: There is a typo at ‘ A plan to personal growth ‘
Good article! Useful format, techniques for setting, accomplishing goals.
This is just the message l needed to hear. The ethics and wisdom of Sharing. Brilliant piece
Sharing builds strength:
This section truly spoke to me about the responsibilities of holding someone else’s ideas. Ideas are the elemental substance that preceed real out comes. A neutral pair of mature trained ears to speak to is often the best first step in talking your talk. You can start by saying it exacly as you feel it with out filters. There is no reprisal. Nobody’s going to throw it back in your face. You will be given an opportunity to revisit it, dissect it and evaluate it.
The second paragraph starting with “Of course” articulates fully your thoughts and the first paragraph “Boundaries” could be integrated to drive home the need for discretion in sharing.
Todah for writing this.
I appreciated your ‘personal experience’ approach to expressing the necessity for open and secure communication. While all may have not had the same experience growing up, allowing us in and allowing vulnerability, creates trust and consideration to what was shared. Even a starting point to solutionville.